In Paris, Without Her Love
by RMK1983
Summary: Anna Bates is a newlywed in the most romantic city in the world, on someone else's honeymoon while her husband is in prison. Add to that her only other companion is Mr. Molesley, how is she supposed to cope? How did she end up buying that garter anyway?
1. Chapter 1

**This was going to be a short scene included with my other collection, but it occurred to me that as Matthew's valet, Mr. Molesley was probably in Paris as well. So, I decided to explore how Anna would cope with tagging along on Mary and Matthew's honeymoon. **

_Go to Paris...make us some memories. _Her husband's words echoed through her head as Anna Bates packed for her month long trip to Paris. Try as she might to be excited about the trip, going to a place she'd never been before, Anna just couldn't manage to get the knot in her stomach to untie. She clung to the little time that she was allowed with her husband and for the next four weeks, she wouldn't even have that. A tear trickled down her cheek at the thought of not seeing his face for so long.

Closing her traveling bag, Anna sat down to pen a final letter to Mr. Bates before her departure.

_My dear John,_

_We are getting prepared to leave Downton, but I wanted you to have some final words from me to tide you over until I see you again. Of course, I will write while I am there, but I do not know how successfully my letters will travel from there to you. For this reason, I have asked Mrs. Hughes not to forward any letters from you. I would rather wait to read them than to miss even a single word from you. If you need to get in touch with me, write to Mrs. Hughes and she will know how to contact me. _

_So, if these are the last words you hear from me for a while, I want them to be good ones. I love you. More than that, I adore you. You have brought to me some of the greatest happiness of my life. I wouldn't trade a single second of the time we have spent together. One day, I am determined, we will go to Paris together and I will kiss you beneath the Eiffel tower. On this trip, I will visit the place and imagine you with me. _

_I will think of you every day. I love you my dear, and I am counting the days until I see you again. _

_Forever yours,_

_Anna_

Sealing the envelope, Anna picked up her traveling bag and headed downstairs, where she knew the others would be waiting for her. Dropping her letter to be posted, Anna saw the car in the drive. Mr. Molesley, as Mr. Crawley's valet, was loading bags onto the rear of the car. He looked up at her and smiled as she handed him her own small bag.

Anna shook her head. She was going to one of the most romantic places on Earth, with Mr. Molesley, on someone else's honeymoon. How strange her life had become.


	2. Chapter 2

**This is really two chapters, but I will post them together because alone, they're both a little short. I have jotted down an outline for this story and decided that a major theme will be Anna healing and realizing that it's ok to be happy while John is in prison. **

**I hope you like this second chapter…I hope it doesn't ramble too much. **

Part 1

Anna and Mr. Molesley settled into their compartment in the third class section of the train. They had caught the last train from Downton to London that evening, meaning they would travel through the night to reach the city. The first class passengers were provided sleeping quarters, but for the servants, an overnight trip meant making themselves as comfortable as they could in the seating area. Thankfully, the compartment was empty save for the two servants from the Abbey.

Mr. Molesley, Anna had discovered when he began as Mr. Crawley's valet, could sleep on top of a rock. He was leaned back and snoring within 30 minutes of the train pulling out of the station. Anna shook her head and envied his peace of mind.

Anna found her thoughts drifting to her husband as she watched the twilight of the Yorkshire landscape roll by. She had been to London only once since the last time they had traveled there together, with Mrs. Hughes to get the house where Mrs. Bates had lived ready for leasing. Mentally, she made a note to go by and see how the tenants were settling in while she was in London. She wondered if John would approve of the couple she had chosen. She never imagined she would be doing all of this without him.

Sighing, she opened her bag and took out a small packet of stationary. If she were going to think about him, she might as well write to him.

_My dear Mr. Bates, _

Anna smiled to herself at her choice of greetings. It was something of a melancholy game with them that the more formal the greeting, the more the body of the letter would be filled with longing reminders of their single precious night together and expressions of desire to repeat the night. Anna was quick to pocket any letter from her husband addressed to _Mrs. John Bates. _Those letters were meant to be read in private, lest anyone notice the delighted pink tinge on her cheeks that his words would bring.

Anna wrote for a few minutes, until the fading light made it hard for her to see. Tucking the letter into the book she had brought for the trip, _Theodore Roosevelt's Letters to His Children, _she leaned her head back against the train seat.

"I suppose that we'll have some free time during the day while we're away. Do you have anything in particular planned?" Mr. Molesley's voice came to her out of the darkness from the seat across from her.

"I have a few things to do while we're in London. And, I've never been to Paris, so I'm looking forward to exploring a new place." Anna drew a breath of heavy air and tamped down the urge to scream that this was wrong, she shouldn't be leaving her husband. She shouldn't be looking forward to an exciting month in Paris while her husband was still locked away for a crime he didn't commit.

She wiped silent tears from her cheeks and reminded herself that even if John were free, he would not be on this trip. Closing her eyes, she tried to imagine him in a little cottage of their own, waiting for her to return. She was breezing through the doorway to that little cottage with a new hat from Paris perched on her head as John swept her up in his arms, kissing her with a frenzy when she drifted off to sleep, the rocking of the train soothing her tired body.

Part 2

During the season, the Crawley's London home bustled with activity. Preparing for balls, accepting and extending invitations for luncheon, tea, and dinner. There was always something happening and someone rushing about. Now, it was quite the opposite. On the off season, the housekeeper/cook was the only full time staff person. There were maids, to keep up the home, but they lived off premises, so, for the most part, Anna and Mr. Molesley were left on their own in the house.

They had planned a quiet first day in London as everyone was tired from the activity of the past days and their long trip. Lady Mary and Mr. Crawley "rested" after a simple luncheon in their en suite parlor, leaving their maid and valet time to themselves.

After a luncheon with Mr. Molesley and Mrs. Stratton, the London housekeeper, Anna dressed to go out and headed toward Mrs. Bates' house. _Mrs. Bates' house. _She mused as she turned the corner and viewed the modest brownstone. _I suppose I should begin calling it my house. _But it wasn't her house, and never would be, ownership papers notwithstanding. At one time, after Mrs. Bates' death and before Vera tore them apart for the first time, Anna had imagined herself living here. Maybe just for a short while, while they were readying it for sale or their hotel for opening. But once Vera had resided within those walls, especially after she had killed herself there, Anna could not imagine ever calling it home. It had been hard enough to spend the night here when she and Mrs. Hughes were cleaning it up earlier in the year.

Knocking on the front door, Anna was greeted by the couple to whom she had leased the house. Mr. and Mrs. Allen Johnson were newlyweds, having been married only weeks when they had first moved in. Mr. Johnson greeted Anna warmly, inviting her in for tea. Mrs. Johnson was in the parlor, the same parlor where Anna had taken tea with John's mother all those years ago. When Anna saw her, she had to force her smile to remain on her face. Softly rounding out her pretty smocked dress was the unmistakable evidence of a half completed pregnancy. Seeing their hopeful faces, married, starting a family together here in the house where John grew up was almost more than Anna could handle.

Her mother's words echoed in her mind from some long lost memory. _You don't begrudge someone else a blessing just because that thing isn't happening for you. _

Her mother had spoken those words during her childhood, when Anna's father was dying of the measles. They had prayed and prayed for his healing, but he met each day weaker than the one before. In contrast, their neighbor had been ill as well and was visibly stronger and healthier every time they saw him. Hardly 13, Anna had laid her head in her mother's lap one night, asking her bitterly why God wasn't healing her father the way He was healing Mr. McCarthy next door. Her father died not too long after that and Mr. McCarthy from next door was instrumental in helping the family to recuperate and keep their small farm running. Anna never forgot those words of wisdom from her mother during that trying time.

"You've never lived in this house, have you Mrs. Bates?" Mr. Johnson's question drew Anna from her ruminations.

"No," Anna answered quickly, "I've only ever spent a couple of nights here in fact. This was my husband's mother's home, before she died." Anna left out mention of Vera and her suicide. The last thing she needed was for her tenants to flee because of it. They would hear about it soon enough, from neighborhood gossip, if they hadn't already.

"The reason I asked," Mr. Johnson continued, "is that there seems to be a cupboard upstairs that has been papered over. I wondered there was a particular reason. Otherwise, I would like to uncover it to have storage for the nursery."

Anna was stunned, she thought she had been through this house with a fine tooth comb. "I'm not really sure. I will ask my husband the next time I see him, but that won't be for a few weeks, I'm afraid."

"It's alright Mrs. Bates, we have a few months still." Mrs. Johnson smiled, rubbing her stomach gently. Anna found a genuine smile coming to her face for the first time since her departure from Downton. Mrs. Bates would be happy that her home was nurturing this new little family, she was sure of that. Maybe their happiness was needed to wipe out the cloud of darkness that Vera had engulfed the house with.

Leaving the Johnson's, promising that she would call again on her way home if she was able, Anna made her way back to the Crawley's house, trying to remember what it had been like to walk with Mr. Bates down the streets of London. She had enjoyed strolling along the sidewalk, her arm tucked in his, his body warming her. Silently, she prayed that there would be positive responses to her inquiries waiting for her when she arrived home. They would walk these streets together, as man and wife, if it took her very last breath to make it happen.


	3. Chapter 3

**If I were to name this chapter, it would be "Mr. Molesley Causes Trouble." I have been rather horrid to Molesley in my other fic, so I'm trying to be nicer to him here, but he's still Molesley… Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

Settling herself in the servants' parlor, Anna opened her book, contenting herself to read and relax from her afternoon away. Lady Mary and Mr. Crawley were away from the house, having dinner with a family friend, so Anna needed to stay up until they returned in order to help Lady Mary dress for bed.

Mr. Molesley plodded in after a time, settling in the armchair adjacent to the fireplace.

"What are you reading?" He inquired.

Anna showed him the cover. "Theodore Roosevelt? What made you choose that book?"

Anna closed the book. She wasn't going to get any more reading done while Mr. Molesley was feeling so chatty. "I started reading about America a few months ago. Just something interesting that I'd never explored before."

Molesley nodded, accepting her answer at face value and moving on to prattle about the next morning's trip to Paris. Anna was relieved that he didn't push the subject. How could she ever explain to him that months ago, she thought that right now, she would actually _**be**_ _**in**_ America, essentially hiding out with Lady Mary from their mutual notoriety? The murderer's widow and the scandalized daughter of the Earl had been planning to run away to where no one knew their names. To heal, to lick their wounds, to start again with a clean slate. But for a few circumstances, her current life would be very different. She couldn't begin to explain that to Mr. Molesley, and she wouldn't try. It was really none of his business anyway.

The bell rung from the dressing room that Lady Mary was using, saving Anna from anymore potential inquiries from Mr. Molesley. "Oh! I didn't realize they were back! I had intended to be up there sooner than this. I haven't laid out her nightgown yet."

Anna stood quickly and rushed out of the servants' parlor.

Molesley stood and stretched, knowing that if Lady Mary was ringing, her new husband would not be long behind her. Not paying attention to where he was walking, Molesley collided with the side table, knocking Anna's book on the floor. Stooping to retrieve it, Molesley noticed the letter that had been tucked inside, now laying open on the carpet.

_My dear Mr. Bates..._

_What an odd way to address your husband. _Molesley thought to himself.

He had always been morbidly curious about the interaction between the unlikely couple and now found his curiosity to be overwhelming. Picking up the letter, he glanced at the door where Anna had exited before he read the words she had written.

_I am sitting on the train to London, thinking about you. Do you remember how you kissed me the morning after our wedding? We knew we would not find ourselves together like that again for a while, little did we know how long it would actually be. You kissed me like I was the very thing keeping you alive, touching me so tenderly until I cried out your name for the sheer pleasure of the moment. How I long for your touch again my love. The memories of your lips on my body, your hands, touching me the way no one else ever had or ever shall, invade my thoughts at the most inopportune times. _

Molesley's eyes grew wide as he read the words from his sweet counterpart to her imprisoned husband. Never would he have imagined that Anna would write such lurid things. There had been a question amongst the staff as to whether or not the Bates' marriage had ever been consummated. From the sounds of this letter, there was no doubt about it. Feeling his face flush bright read, Molesley stuffed the letter back in Anna's book and strode quickly out of the room, trying to get as much distance between himself and the letter as he possibly could.

Part 2

The next day passed in flurries of activity followed by long periods of waiting. Early in the morning, they boarded a train that would take them from London to the coast. Once again, Anna found herself alone in a 3rd class train car with . Something about the valet was off, but Anna couldn't quite put her finger on what it was exactly.

_Doesn't really matter _she mused, _at least he's being quiet. _

Anna pulled the half finished letter to Mr. Bates from her book. It looked oddly rumpled, with a strange crease in one page. She was sure she had tucked it away neatly when she had put it away. Putting the matter out of her mind, a small smile came to Anna's face as she continued to pen words to her husband.

A small cough came from across the car. Looking up, she saw Molesley's face was flushed.

"Mr. Molesley, are you quite alright?" Anna strenuously hoped that he didn't vomit at any point in this journey.

"Yes." Molesley sputtered, "quite fine."

Shaking her head, Anna returned to her letter. Molesley was taking deep, noisy breaths across from her. How was she supposed to write a lovely suggestive letter to her husband with Molesley gasping for air like a fish out of water? Anna gritted her teeth and did not look up from her paper.

"Are you writing to Mr. Bates?" Molesley finally asked, shakily. _What is wrong with him? _Anna thought before responding.

"I am. I try to write a little bit, every day. It helps me, to keep my feeling about him being gone contained."

"I'll bet he likes getting letters from you." Molesley was stuttering like a schoolboy asking a girl to his first dance.

"He says he does." Anna agreed, not sure what had gotten in to her companion.

"Yes." Molesley smiled a little sickly smile. Anna hoped, once again, that he wasn't going to be sick on the train.

Molesley managed to keep himself together until they were on the ferry, crossing the English Channel. By the middle of the relatively short ferry ride, he was obviously suffering from severe motion sickness.

Anna found him leaning over the side of the ferry, emptying the contents of his stomach into the water. Grimacing, she patted his back gently. "The porter's bringing some tea to our compartment for you Mr. Molesley, if you think you can manage it."

Molesley's face was slightly green, but he managed a grateful smile. "I think I can manage."

Anna led him gently back to their seating area, which unfortunately, they did not have to themselves. Anna maneuvered them both around the rotund Scottish man who seemed to be very amused by Molesley's sickly pallor and did not move to make it easier for Anna to get Molesley into his seat.

After she got him settled into his seat, Anna looked around for the promised tea. "I'm going to check on that tea, Mr. Molesley, and maybe find you a cool cloth for your head."

Moving back around the Scot, Anna left the compartment in search of tea. She met the porter in the hall and was back with tea and a cool compress in no time. She found however, that she had been gone long enough for their unwelcome companion to take matters into his own hands. She reentered the seating area just as Molesley was handing him back a large flask.

"There ya go, that'll cure what ails ya!" The man said robustly. Anna groaned. She knew that Molesley had little tolerance for alcohol, remembering once when he was asked to serve at dinner and became drunk simply from taste testing the wine.

"Really," She practically shouted at the man, "I don't think that is what he needs!"

"I'm right as rain Anna." Molesley slurred, half from motion sickness and half from whatever alcohol the Scot had given him. Just as he finished speaking, he clamped his mouth shut with a panicked look.

"Out, out on deck!" Anna pulled him by the shoulder until he was once again heaving over the side of the ferry.

Molesley and Anna sat on the deck for the rest of the ferry ride, both avoiding their companion and waiting for Molesley's stomach to settle.

Once they were on the second train of the day, the one that would take them from the ferry into Paris, Anna managed to find them a private train car. Molesley was little to no help with managing the luggage and other items between the ferry and the train.

"Here, Mr. Molesley, just lie down the best you can and rest." Anna was mopping his forehead with a wet towel, trying to keep him from being sick again.

Molesley lifted his head from the seat slightly. "Can I put my head in your lap?"

Knowing he was both drunk and sick, and well, Molesley, Anna did not take offense at his request, though neither did she honor it.

"No, Mr. Molesley, you're going to have to make do with your jacket I'm afraid." Anna was trying to be kind, but the whole trip was wearing on her nerves.

It seemed to Anna that the alcohol was affecting Molesley now more than the motion sickness, because the vomiting had ceased and the talking began.

"Anna, you really love Mr. Bates, don't you?" Molesley's eyes looked glassy and his face was cold and sweaty. Anna wondered if he even realized what he was saying.

"I do." She answered simply.

"When I came to work for Mr. Crawley, you were already his by then, weren't you?"

Anna sighed. This was the last conversation that she wanted to have right then, but she doubted that he'd remember it later, anyway.

"We were already best friends by then, and yes, I suppose I was already beginning to fall in love with him."

"So, I never had a chance." Molesley sighed tiredly and Anna thought he was going to start to cry.

"There is someone out there for you Mr. Molesley. You'll find her eventually and when you do, you'll think of me as a pale comparison."

"Mr. Bates is a lucky man." Molesley's words began to draw out and he was soon fast asleep.

Anna folded the towel that she'd been using to mop Molesley's forehead and sat back on her side of the aisle, laughing a little to herself at the absurdity of the day's events. John was never going to believe it when she told him.


	4. Chapter 4

Once they had settled at their hotel in Paris, Anna had less time to herself than she had imagined. It seemed that London society stretched even into France and Lady Mary and Mr. Crawley were invited to several dinners and parties during their relatively short stay in the country. The preparation kept Anna's days very full.

It was a week into the trip before Anna had an afternoon to spend how she pleased. Truthfully, she was a little frightened about the prospect of the time alone. When she was in emotional turmoil, she relished being busy. This would be the first time spent alone since they began their trip. There would be no Mr. Molesley to attend to or avoid as the case may be, and Lady Mary wouldn't need her again until late in the evening. She took a deep breath and steeled her nerves at the thought of her free time as she fixed Lady Mary's hair for the afternoon.

"Do you have plans for today Anna?" Lady Mary had been concerned for her maid during this long trip. Her husband was in prison. At home it was bad enough, but at least she had her routine to keep her busy and her letter writing campaign to find information to prove him innocent. She got to see him from time to time, to reassure herself that he was mostly alright. Here, she had none of that, and Mary was not sure that she was handling it well.

Anna tried to look cheerful. "I'm going to the Eiffel Tower today. It was one of the things that Mr. Bates suggested I not miss."

Lady Mary smiled at her more brightly than she genuinely felt, "Good. Well, have fun. Please."

Anna smiled tightly, trying not to lie to her mistress, but reasonably sure that fun was not what the day had in store for her.

Though Anna could see the tower from the hotel, it took her longer to get to the base than she had expected. The long walk allowed her mind to roam, trying to imagine the lives of the people she observed. There was no shortage of lovers in France, much to Anna's chagrin. She tried to imagine Mr. Bates walking with her on a beautiful day, exploring this new city. He had been here before, of course, and would show her all the sights that would amaze and enchant her. He knew just what she liked and their days would be spent sightseeing, trying out new tea shops and cafes, laughing and being in love.

When she reached the underside of the tower, she looked up into the massive steel beams that created the structure. So big and so strong. She had read about the tower before leaving England. It was built to commemorate the centennial of the French Revolution. It was, in effect, an artist and engineer's rendering of what freedom looked like in France. The tallest building in all of Paris, meant to symbolize a hard won freedom.

Anna's heart clenched at the irony. She felt anything but free. She felt like she was in bondage. Bondage created by a woman she hardly knew, but who hated the man she loved enough to take her own life to make him suffer. Unbidden, tears began rising to Anna's eyes. She looked up at the observation deck and saw the people standing above her. How easy would it be to ascend to that platform and just throw herself off? Her death would be but a blip on the radar of French news: Heartsick wife of convicted murderer commits suicide at Eiffel Tower. The staff at Downton would mourn her for a time, but maids, even Lady's Maids, were easily replaced and a new routine would be established in no time at all.

She shook her head hard. John was counting on her, if nothing less. He needed her to continue to fight to prove he was innocent if he stood any chance of being set free. She just felt so useless, so hopeless. He was counting on her and she just didn't seem to be making any progress. All she wanted was to have a real life, with her husband, a real marriage. Was that asking so much?

The tears came uncontrollably now, taking over Anna's body as she was wracked with sobs. Feeling unable even to hold herself upright, Anna hunched over until she was kneeling on the ground, her head down, face hidden from the world. She was creating a spectacle, but she couldn't find it within herself to even care. Her life was slipping away and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

Mr. Molesley was enjoying his time in Paris. Always eager to explore a new city, he had taken all of his free time to explore museums and concert halls. Mr. Matthew hadn't needed him much, just to change really. He strolled along the waterfront until he came to the base of the Eiffel Tower.

As he neared the lower observation deck, he became aware of the mutterings of the people leaving.

"Do you think she's mad?"

"Imagine, conducting yourself like that in public."

"Someone should call the police!"

Molesley looked around, trying to discern the cause of all of the commotion when he saw her. He would recognize her pretty blonde head anywhere, he had spent enough time admiring her, but this was a state in which he had never seen. Anna was on her knees in the dirt under the tower, sobbing uncontrollably. Molesley was no genius and not even the most astute person, but even he knew without a doubt, the cause of her misery. It had been just a matter of time before stable, cheery Anna would need to let her feelings out. At home, she had Mrs. Hughes to lean on and confide in. Here, she had no one.

As quickly as he could, Molesley strode up to her and knelt beside her. "Anna." He spoke quietly so as not to startle her.

Despite his best intentions, Anna whipped her head up and stared at him, wild eyed. "Mr. Molesley..."

Molesley interrupted her. "Common, let's get back to the hotel. There's no need to talk now. We'll get you back and get you some tea."

Gently, he pulled her up out of the dirt and led her by the arm away from the tower.

Back at the hotel, Anna sat in silence as Molesley moved around the servants' parlor, arranging the tea service for the both of them. Anna just sat, staring at the dirt stains on her skirt. She was mortified, how could she have lost her composure so thoroughly?

"Here you go." Molesley handed her a teacup, but had to retrieve it quickly, as Anna's hands were shaking so much that she was sloshing out the liquid. Setting the cup on the small table, Molesley sat in silence for a few moments before speaking.

"Anna, I know we haven't always been the best of friends, but I do consider you, and Mr. Bates, to be friends. I know this is hard for you, being away from him. If there is anything I can do..." he paused, not sure of what to say next. He lived a simple life and had always played things relatively safe. He had been disappointed when Anna had rebuffed his affections all those years ago, but that had been nothing compared to the heartache that she now suffered, of that he was sure.

Anna looked up at him for the first time since they left the tower. "Thank you, Mr. Molesley. That means a great deal. I have been trying to see and do interesting things while I'm here to tell Mr. Bates about, but it seems to be a little much for me to do on my own."

Molesley smiled at her slightly. "Maybe I can come with you. We can decide what the most interesting things are to tell Mr. Bates."

Anna returned his smile, tears coming to her eyes again. This time though, they were tears of gratitude instead of sorrow.


	5. Chapter 5

**Here it is…the lingerie chapter. Also, the beginning of the end for this fic. I am estimating another two, maybe three chapters for this baby. That is good, because I have another idea that's itching to get out. **

**Thanks for hanging in there with me kids!**

"Matthew, do you think you could find something to do to occupy yourself tomorrow afternoon?" Lady Mary, the new Mrs. Crawley asked her husband, looking at him in the reflection of her dressing table mirror as she sat in front of it.

Matthew looked at her in amusement. "Are you tired of me already?"

Mary glared at him in mock frustration. "No." She shrugged, "Anna just seemed to be a little blue this afternoon when she got back from her outing. She puts on a brave face, but I know that it's hard for her to be away from Bates, even as little as she is allowed to see him. I just thought a girls' afternoon might cheer her up a bit."

Mary rose from her bench and climbed in bed beside Matthew. "I think that sounds lovely. I've been looking for some time to myself actually. I have rather a surprise that I want to plan for you."

Mary raised one perfectly arched eyebrow. "Really? We'll it seems I have picked the opportune time."

Part 2

"Anna, did you have any plans for this afternoon?" Lady Mary asked her maid as Anna was pinning up her hair.

"Well, Milady," Anna replied, "I had planned to visit the Louvre today. See some of the art Mr. Bates suggested I see while I'm here."

"Would you mind terribly doing that another day?" Mary asked. "I'll give you extra time off if necessary so you don't miss the opportunity to go. There is something I would like you to help me with today."

Anna was surprised. Ever since they had arrived in Paris for Lady Mary's honeymoon, her time had been taken up almost exclusively by her new husband. There had been very little time for afternoon plans. Anna had been hardly seen Lady Mary the majority of the days since they had been here. She dressed her in the morning, before dinner or their evening outing and for bed, but other than that, the newlyweds had preferred their privacy.

"Of course Milady, but wouldn't you rather have Mr. Matthew accompany you?" Anna asked.

"Well, that's the problem. Mr. Crawley is spending the day away, planning a 'surprise' for me. I'd like to give him a surprise as well. I have something in mind, something very fitting for Paris, but I've never done it before, so I need a good friend to make sure I'm not making a fool out of myself."

"Well, I am intrigued. Whatever will we be doing?" Anna teaser her employer gently.

Lady Mary blushed slightly. "I want to go pick out some lingerie. Parisian, not like what is in my trousseau."

Anna's blush ran higher than her counterparts when she realized what their afternoon would entail.

Seeing her red face, Mary continued. "That is why I need you with me. You will be level headed enough to tell me if I look ridiculous. I cannot rely on a shopkeeper for that."

Anna giggled, "Of course not, milady. I will look forward to the adventure."

Mary grinned, glad to see a spark of the old Anna back. "Good. Let's go after luncheon."

Part 3

It was a little after luncheon when Anna and Lady Mary arrived in front of a storefront that they would never have found at home in Yorkshire, or even in the bustling metropolis of London.

Inside the shop, they were greeted by a thin woman who spoke too quickly for Anna to understand her French. Lady Mary explained what they wanted and the woman sat them down in a small sitting area and brought Mary different things to select from.

Inspecting the pile, Anna wasn't sure she had ever seen such delicate clothing items in her whole life. Many of the pieces that Mary tried on looked like they would tear just from trying them on, let alone stand up to a passionate night between newlyweds.

While she was waiting for Mary to try on one of the gossamer articles, Anna's thoughts drifted to her own wedding night, the only time she had been allowed to spend as a newlywed with her husband. Bless Lady Mary's meddling, because without it, she wouldn't even have the memory of those few, beautiful stolen hours to get her through the long, empty nights without John.

She had been nervous, but he had been gentle and sweet, the way he always was with her. He seemed lighter that night, freer somehow, as if he finally was allowing Anna to see him as he was. He wasn't holding anything back that night, for her protection or otherwise. He had teased her gently after they made love and Anna had giggled from sheer happiness.

Broken from her thoughts by Lady Mary emerging from the dressing room, Anna took note of her selection. " Tu es magnifique" declared the shop owner, but Anna wasn't so sure. There was something about the color that wasn't quite right and it pushed Lady Mary's breasts in an odd way. Anna said so and the shopkeeper frowned at her, but Lady Mary just laughed.

"Anna has been dressing me for years Madame, I trust her judgment." Mary disappeared into the dressing room to find another garment. Emerging just moments later, Anna was stunned by her selection. The fabric was soft and floaty, cut much differently than the long nightgowns that were part of Lady Mary's trousseau.

"That's the one." Anna declared.

Lady Mary smiled as she surveyed herself in the mirror. "I like it too." She turned to the shopkeeper. "I'll take it."

As Lady Mary returned to the changing room to dress back in her street clothes, Anna took the opportunity to survey the store. They had so many really beautiful things here. She blushed when she thought about wearing some of them for Mr. Bates. She didn't think she would have the courage, even though she was sure he would appreciate each and every one.

She stopped in front of a display of garters. There were all different colors and designs, suitable for anyone who wanted such a piece. Anna could imagine herself wearing one of these for Mr. Bates. It was easily hidden beneath any of her day to day clothing, but the subtle knowledge of its presence would add a thrill to her day. She imagined her dear husband finding such a thing on her leg. For all his stoicism, he liked that he married, in his words, a "naughty girl."

"Yes." Anna heard a voice hiss in her ear and she jumped, startled and slightly embarrassed at having been caught so closely inspecting the garments.

It was Lady Mary behind her, her purchase boxed and paid for. "You should buy one of those Anna. A little surprise for Mr. Bates when he gets home." Mary arched her eyebrow and gave Anna a suggestive look. "After all, once he's home, you'll have to celebrate."

Anna blushed and giggled, "I don't know, Milady. I've never owned anything like this ever in my life."

"There is a first time for everything." Mary laughed slightly as she called the shopkeeper over. "My friend would like help in picking out a garter. A surprise for her husband."

The shopkeeper made a big display of critiquing Anna's coloring, pinching her cheek uncomfortably to "see your natural pink." She selected three for Anna to choose from, but Anna quickly realized that she had chosen the three most expensive that the shop had to offer. Thankfully, none of them suited her tastes at all.

From the corner of her eye, Anna spied a lacy garter in ivory, with blue embroidery. She picked it up and drew it through her hands. The button closure was a small, delicate cameo. It wad beautiful. She checked the price tag, pleased to find the garment was reasonably within her budget. "This is it." She whispered, more to herself than to either of her companions.

Part 3

"Let's stop for tea, my treat." Lady Mary suggested after they left the shop. She guided them to a small, open air tea shop. Anna placed her bag at her feet, feeling very flushed. She imagined the small, pink bag was shouting to the world, "This daughter of a Yorkshire tenant farmer just bought some rather scandalous lingerie." She breathed through her embarrassment, imagining John's face when he learned about the purchase.

"So, will you write Bates and tell him?" Lady Mary raised an eyebrow and there was no mistake as to what she was inferring.

Anna flushed for a moment, considering. "No, I think I will wait and tell him in person. I want to see his face." She smiled to herself at the thought.

"I'm sure he will like it." Lady Mary returned Anna's mischievous smile.

"What about Mr. Matthew? Should I bring breakfast late in the morning?" Anna turned the tables on her companion.

Together, they starting laughing, both imaging how their husbands would react to that day's treasures.


	6. Chapter 6

**I was rewatching some of Season 3 over the weekend, and I realized what a giant dolt I have been with this story. Mary and Matthew went on their honeymoon to the South of France. I am not that geographically challenged that I think Paris is in the South of France. I just forgot that little detail and my brain filled it in for me. **

**Anyway, here is my final chapter. I hope you have enjoyed this fic! I enjoyed writing it. **

Two weeks later, Anna found herself once again settled in front of the cozy fire in the servants' parlor at the Crawley's London home.

The final half of the trip for her had been much more pleasant than the beginning, thanks in no small part to Lady Mary and Mr. Molesley, whom had both done their best to bolster her spirits. Even now, when she thought of the delicate garter tucked away in her suitcase, she couldn't help but smile, thinking about John's reaction when she told him about it.

After the infamous shopping trip, Mr. Molesley had found a circus in town and together, they had picked out which animals Mr. Bates may have seen in Africa, and which were the best illusions to describe to him. Anna found that just being able to talk about her husband helped to ease the constant ache she had felt since she left him the last time.

The housekeeper poked her head in the door. "Mrs. Bates. I almost forgot to give this to you. It's a note from Mrs. Johnson. She asks that you call on them again before you leave back for Yorkshire."

The woman handed Anna the note and Anna read her tenant's words. She hadn't really intended to call on them again, but Mrs. Johnson's words were urging. _We have found something you might be interested in. _Anna wondered what in the world that could be. She'd find out in the morning, she supposed.

The late morning found Anna already in the small parlor of her rental house. The train they were taking back to Downton left at 3:00, and she still had to see to Lady Mary's luggage, so she couldn't stay long.

"Mrs. Bates, please forgive me." Mr. Johnson began once tea had been poured, piquing Anna's curiosity. "We had discussed that cupboard that was papered over when you were here last."

Anna nodded. "I'm sorry, Mr. Johnson, I'm afraid I haven't had an opportunity to discuss it with my husband yet."

The man in front of her looked embarrassed. "Well, that's just it. My brother was here, helping me with the nursery furniture and I mentioned the cupboard. I guess he misunderstood, because he opened it."

"Oh." Anna dismissed his concern. "That's alright. As long as the space is useful, it doesn't matter to me."

"Well," Mrs. Johnson joined the conversation. "There was a box in the cupboard. We thought you might be interested in the contents."

Mr. Johnson brought a small box from around the side of the sofa and opened it toward Anna.

Pulling put the first item, a cloth, delicately wrapped in tissue paper, Anna gasped at the faded inscription. _John's christening gown. _ Pulling the paper open revealed a tiny, snow white gown, carefully pressed and wrapped to be preserved. Touching the delicate material, Anna could envision gently dressing her own child in this very same gown one day. How special that would be.

The trunk offered more treasures and the next items Anna pulled was a set of pictures, one of a small boy with dimples she would know anywhere, sitting uncomfortably next to a younger Mrs. Bates. His shock of unruly hair made Anna laugh softly. He was battling that hair to this day. The other was heart wrenching, John as a solider, his face serious. The handwritten date was 1899, just before he was wounded. What a journey this man would have before he became the man who was her husband.

Setting the pictures aside, Anna was surprised to see the last item in the box. It was a pack of letters, she would recognize the stationary anywhere. She had bought it on a whim one day while she was running errands in Ripon. Hers, white with a border of pink poppies, and his a plain heavy cream. Both were included in this packet, letters that she and John had written to Mrs. Bates before her death.

A thought suddenly came to Anna's head. "How long do you suppose that cupboard had been closed up like that?" She mused, more to herself than to her companions.

"The newspapers that were used to pack the trunk were all from the last five years." Mr. Johnson commented. "And my sister-in-law said that the wall paper was a newer pattern." He shrugged, "She knows about those kinds of things."

Anna's lips pursed tightly. "So, she had the cupboard papered over so we wouldn't find these things." These were the words that came put of Anna's mouth, but the words in her head were much harsher. Vera had hidden these treasures from John's childhood and papered over them, probably assuming they wouldn't be found for a very long time indeed. Every time she turned around, Anna found Vera had done some other despicable thing. How sad it must have been to be her.

"Thank you, Mr. Johnson, Mrs. Johnson. These are treasures to me indeed."

With the small parcels clutched to her chest, Anna bid them both a good day and headed back to the house to prepare for their departure.

It wasn't until she was settled on the train on the way back to Downton that she untied the bundle of letters. She set aside the ones that she had written, focusing instead on the ones from her husband. One in particular caught her attention. Mrs. Bates had labeled the front of the envelope in her shaking hand. _John's response to my letter about Anna's visit._

Smiling, Anna read the words her husband had written to his mother, all those years ago.

_Dear Mother, _

_Thank you for telling me about Anna's visit. She and I have discussed it at some length. I am not pleased that all of Downton now knows about Vera and my former prison sentence, but I am pleased to be staying at Downton, so how could I be upset with her?_

_As to your other question, my darling, meddling mother, there is nothing going on between us. And there won't be either, until I can get this situation with Vera sorted out, which seems impossible as I so not know how to even contact her. I do feel a great affection for Anna, she is a dear friend and the greatest ally I have ever had next to you. But, a romance between us would only end with both our hearts broken, I'm afraid. _

There was a space on the paper before his next words.

_I am kidding myself. I am head over heels in love with her. I just don't know what to do about it. _

Anna felt the tears prick her eyes. It wasn't long after this that Mrs. Bates had died and upon returning to Downton, John proposed to her. She wondered what words of wisdom Mrs. Bates imparted on her son in those last days.

Whatever it was, John had been devotedly hers from that point forward, even during those dark days when Vera had forced them apart.

"Anna." Mrs. Hughes' voice interrupted Anna as she was packing the small christening gown in her drawer next to her garter. She placed the pictures and letters on top and closed the drawer before turning. "Yes Mrs. Hughes?"

The housekeeper held out two packets of letters. "I have been collecting these for you while you were away. I believe these are all from Mr. Bates, and these are the rest."

"Responses to my inquiry from Vera's book, I imagine." Anna replied.

"Well, it looks like you have a lot of reading to do, so I'll leave you to it." Mrs. Hughes handed her the letters and left her in the privacy of her room.

Anna picked up the second stack of letters, she'd save John's for when she was finished. The top two were returned, _addressee unknown. _She set those aside to ask John about them when she saw him next. It wouldn't do to not seek out possible information from Mr. Harlip or Mrs. Bartlett, no matter what information the rest uncovered.

Anna slit open the first letter, thinking about the tiny christening gown in her drawer. They would use that gown one day, she and John. They would have a life together, of that she was determined.


End file.
